my passion...your entertainment
Vitae…Verba…Cruorem…Fluo…
in a month or two i’ll be moving out of my favorite denver neighborhood…not very far…15 or 20 blocks…but far enough that i’ll no longer be able to say that i live in the s.c.p….these blocks have been the setting for most of my antics over the last 10 years…iit’s time to move on…here are some of the places and spaces that make this neighborhood so special…
with all my droning on about death…and dying…you wouldn’t know that springtime is here…for real…or that i’m preparing to marry…the sweetest…most kick ass…woman…ever…
anyway…here’s what’s in my headphones this week…
…as high as 160 beats per minute
…with the pow pow boogie and the big bang bang
no one will know my name until it’s on a stone…
if youre interested…here’s an expanded list of what i’ve been listening to…
mine that is…i’ve mentioned this in passing…a few months sago…a long time ago i decided there would be a clear boundary of public and private selves whwen it came to blogging…so much of what i write is already personally revealing…it’s important to keep something of my life to myself…a portion that is mine and mine alone…and yet…i do not think i can describe…to thousands…okayhundreds…of complete strangers…what a radical shift marriage means for me…but if anyone is following this ragged narrative…i have to make an attempt…simply for the sake of continuity…
like most americans…i was raised to believe that being a grown up includes…marital bliss…also like many americans in the last thirty years….i’ve learned that marriage…for the most part…is a sham…as it exists in our culture…the marriage cult…perpetuates…a lot of the wrongheaded thinking…that leads this country…for instance…
beyond that…i’ve learned that…no believed…that i did not have the necessary skills and traits that it takes to make a successful relationship…i saw myself as broken…and i did not desire repair…
well the fact is…we are all broken…in each our own way…
the upshot…why drink the koolaid…why join the zombies…as they march to the suburbs…seeking…illusions…
first…i figured out that i am not broken…not broken…not broken…just me…merely imperfect…and that someone else not only understands the perversities of my soul…but together…we make our own… harmonic resonance…[i knew this would be difficult to do without resorting to poetic nonsense]…without making sense…it just makes sense…and more…
in the bigger picture…i somehow remain optimistic…somehow…that the past does not have to repeat…and that i do not have to follow the zombies…there are new ways of doing this…unfolding…everyday…maybe they’re just…new illusions…i’m okay with that…i’d rather make my own mistakes…than repeat someone elses…
80 year olds are dropping…like…[insert favorite death cliche]…Miller…Bellow…Wojtyła…Short…who’s suprised…really…it’s got me thinking though…if i should turn out to be…tough enough…smart enough…lucky enough…to make it to 80…chances are i won’t be the vital kind…based on my choices…i will most likely turn out to be…withered…decrepit…croaking on about how the wold is falling apart between oxygen puffs…if so…hire a hitman…tie a knot in my feedign tube…kick my walker…if i make it to 80…i will have had a mighty good run…
better than my parents…based on genetics…i’ll be lucky to see 60…neither of my parents did…iif i start to fall prey to the things that killed them…i might just choose the HST solution…
