housecleaning…entry from 9.5.01…

a few details…

i’m a writer/filmmaker in the rocky mountain region

my work is informed by a variety of creative forces:

Burroughs, William

Bukowski, Charles

Thompson, Hunter & Jim

Himes, Chester

Carver, Raymond

Dreiser, Theodore

Goines, Donald

Steinbeck, John

Leigh, Mike

Lee, Spike

Scorsese, Marty

Dix, Otto

Gilliam, Terry

Simone, Nina

D, Chuck

Waits, Tom

Mingus, Charles

Cash, Johnny

Mother Africa


to name a handful.

i’ve been working in happy obscurity as an independent publisher and producer for five years.

i’ve been writing for over 15 years.

i have have a passion/weakness for women and alcohol.

this is my testimony.

dreams…dreams of others…dreams of mine…always good material…for instance: the dream a girl had of her teeth falling out…communication, but i have to lookt that one up…i’m sure there’s more to it…or the dream of a group of women standing together at a party…wake…and the daughter of the dead man asks her friends to have sex with her father…it seems he’s not dead, just in a coma…she hopes this will bring him to life…so they each take turns…hey, i didn’t make this up…or the dream of a gift that has been waiting for a boy for 23 years…kept secret from him by a greedy, manipulative step father…what more is there to say?

thank God for the words…i’ve been the same way since i was a kid…everytime i got comfortable/someone told me i was good at something, i dropped it and moved on…track, gymnastics, wrestling, acting, singing…and now the whole filmmaking/dj/graphicnovel thing is just more in a succession of things that i jumped into and got bored with…fucking dillettante…

thinking about it, relationships have been pretty much the same way…how can a man be a dilletantte with life? what does that come from? where does that lead to?

i am a dilletante…not with the writing, but the whole filmaking/dj thing is less rewarding/satisfying/fascinating than they once were…the words though, never go away…never

recent conversations with the best friend leave me leaning in these directions: marriage probably not for me, yet would love to be a father…chicago? not as things stand…lot o hottness here in the mile high city…hormones? boiling over…to be released